Maskstake
[ˈmask-stāk]
The faux pas of greeting a masked person as a friend only to realize that the bald head and pair of eyes in front of you belong to a total stranger. While it may be tempting to share this comical mix-up with your actual friend, it is best not to. Several other people have already told him similar stories just this week, and if he's being honest, he's starting to find it hard not to take the whole thing personally.
Quarantine Coif
[ˈkwȯr-ən-ˌtēn ˈkȯif or ˈbad ˈher]
A haircut clearly administered by one's child or partner while quarantined, typically yielding a result that will certainly require professional repair. Any photos of the new 'do on social media usually garner a few polite "likes" but will leave most observers quietly muttering, "Good Lord, Bob, what have you done to yourself?"
The Social Distance Two-Step
[ˈt͟hē ˈsō-shəl ˈdi-stən(t)s ˈtü-ˌstep]
The dance of two conversing individuals with radically different definitions of the phrase "maintain at least 6 feet of distance." Like the tango, the social distance two-step is frequently marked by one participant's advancing a certain distance while the other simultaneously retreats by the same amount.
Zoom Tourism
[ˈzüm ˈtu̇r-ˌi-zəm or ˈbē(-i)ŋ ˈnō-zē]
The act of spending 80 percent of a Zoom call focused entirely on what your co-workers' rooms look like, something guaranteed to be more fascinating than anything discussed on the call itself. Zoom tourism experiences range from realizing how terrible your boss' taste is in home decor to asking yourself, "Wait, how many cats does Robert actually have?"
Shelter-in-Mom's-Place
[ˈshel-tər ˈin ˈmämz ˈplās]
The act of returning to one's childhood home "because of everything going on." While it's frequently deemed necessary because "my folks really need me right now," third-party observers often note that the parents seem to be doing just fine and that it's the kids who could really use some home-cooked meals and a big hug.
Foggles
[ˈfä-gəlz]
A pair of glasses that, when worn with a mask, experience extreme fogging. Foggles are a necessary byproduct of a precaution taken to reduce the risk of spreading the coronavirus, although that benefit can be somewhat offset by the increased likelihood of the wearer's accidentally tripping on a curb or stepping into oncoming traffic.
Retail Fail
[ˈrē-ˌtāl ˈfāl or ˈsad-nəs]
The sense of intense loss and frustration one experiences upon realizing that the grocery store is out of longed-for food items, such as a favorite brand of potato chips that will now have to be replaced by the quinoa-flaxseed variety (of which there is invariably plenty). It is a pain greatly exacerbated when the line to get into the store was so long that you had to join it in a different ZIP code.
B.C. (Before Covid)
[ˈbē ˈsē, bi-ˈfȯr ˈkō-vid]
Also known as "the good old days," B.C. refers to an idyllic time in America's history when medical workers were the only people who knew what "PPE" stood for and the main health risk we had to worry about inside a restaurant was the unexplained hair at the edge of a plate. This era in some ways feels like it was only yesterday, quite possibly because it almost was.